Helpful Hints for the Foreigner-Challenged

I spend a lot of time with refugees. I also spend a lot of time with other people who interact with refugees. Many of these people, common citizens who eat hamburgers and speak more slang than dictionary English, seem to have a difficult time relating to people from other countries. Ironically enough, many of these people are also immigrants/second generation Americans, albeit from more familiar cultures. Some common reactions I have seen are:

1. Ignore refugee. Sometimes, people treat a refugee as if they are not present, opting instead to address only me or an interpreter. This reminds me of when "grown-ups" discuss a child in front of the child, or when doctors discuss a patient while they're all still in the room. Just because they are not fluent English speakers does not mean their presence should be ignored.
2. Be annoyed. All of the eye rolling I have seen when a patient/client/applicant refugee needs an interpreter is probably causing muscle damage for some people. In truth, refugee cases can be more complicated and time consuming, but if you work in service (health, public, etc.), and your goal is to help people, you can feel really great knowing that the extra time and effort is making a huge difference.
3. Make assumptions. Just because a woman is Muslim and has a lot of kids doesn't mean she is oppressed by her husband. Stereotypes are a problem for all types of people and create barriers to building community. Another example is when someone from another culture seems unhappy or serious, but just isn't as outwardly happy and loud as most Americans. Not everyone is comfortable wearing emotions on their sleeve.

This isn't to say that all Americans are hard-hearted or ignorant. Most interactions are great, and people do their best to help refugees feel welcome. Sometimes, it can just be hard to know how to act in an unfamiliar situation. Here are three positive things to keep in mind when interacting with refugees/immigrants:

1. They are not (usually) hard of hearing. If they do not understand what you said, it does not mean you must speak louder; instead, try speaking slower, using simpler words, and enunciating. I remember learning Spanish in school and thinking I had it down, only to enter a conversation where everyone seemed to be speaking rivers of words, all running together. It helps to use your hands purposefully when you talk. When you talk about the weather and say "It's cold," rub your arms, and when you say "It's hot," fan your neck, etc. Don't "talk down." This is kind of difficult, actually, since facial expressions are hard to control, and we naturally exhibit our efforts to be patient. People do this to children and the elderly, too. I try to smile to let them know I am not bothered by taking the conversation slowly or explaining multiple times.
2. When immigrants ask you to come over, they mean it. Americans flippantly say to each other, "let's get together sometime," meaning, "in the distant future, when I'm in your part of town, I may call/email/text you to set up a dinner appointment at a restaurant." If a refugee says, "come in," he wants you to come inside his house, right now, and stay a few hours. I don't even know how long this welcome extends to, since I usually peace out after an hour or two, and my host is genuinely upset I'm leaving so quickly. And when they say, "come visit," they mean, stop by (announced or not) at your convenience. Spending time with people inside the home is an important part of most immigrants' lives. Family and friends are top priority, and there is always time for them.
3. Normal is different for everyone. I was with a Somali woman at the doctor the other day, using a video chat interpreter, and the doctor was trying to figure out why the patient had severe anemia. In asking about what foods she regularly ate, the patient simply replied, "normal foods." Thankfully, the doctor had the insight to get a more detailed list which included a lot of rice, pasta, liver, goat, etc. As intrigued as we are by foreign foods and customs, imagine how much more surprised refugees are at Americans. One Afghani lady commented on how it seemed almost everyone here has tattoos, which are forbidden in Islam. I taught a woman this week how to use a cross-walk with an electronic sign: red hand means stop, white man means walk, it beeps when you can go. We can't assume everyone know things like this, things we consider normal and common knowledge. For a lot of new arrivals, so many new rules and so few old rules can be overwhelming. Life can be confusing and difficult, but caring people who can show them the ropes and be a patient friend can make all the difference.

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Fun fact! Somalis loooove bananas. And spaghetti! And bananas IN their spaghetti, with marinara sauce, eaten with bare hands. The spaghetti comes from Italian influence back when most of the country was a protectorate (1880's) -> colony -> "governorate" -> military administration (under the Brits) -> territory until 1960. Then the country experimented with a constitution, overthrew it with a putsch, tried out socialism with a Muslim twist but got blindsided by the Soviets and partnered with the U.S. instead, and ran through a couple of military dictators until the last one was overthrown in 1991. The U.N. tried to help out, but was scared off by militia within a couple years, and the country has been essentially without centralized government since, relying instead on indigenous traditional law, Islamic Sharia law, and remnants of secular law.